Flaming Immortal
by blackroseofvengeance
Summary: Ever heard of My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie aka The Worst Fanfic Ever. Here's my rather critical analysis of it also known as my personal flame. Angels And Demons characters will feature. A present for my amazing reviewers.
1. 1 to 4

**I'm not sure if I'm allowed to put this up on here because it's not a story. FF will probably remove it, which is slightly depressing. This is just a description of a story. The story in question is My Immortal, dubbed by the worst fanfiction in the world. **

**Well, until this gets taken down for not being a story, I hope you enjoy this. You'll find the link to the My Immortal on my profile if you want to read, although it will make you want to peel your face off. I would advise playing the drinking game to go with it. I will place that link on my profile as well. **

**I would like to compare this to 2 of my stories: Angels And Demons and Discovery Channel. This are on Fictionpress so I will post the links if any of you are interested in reading either of them. Neither of these stories is perfect, and I know that Max pushes the limits of Mary-Sue in Discovery Channel but I took the Mary-Sue litmus test and he's well within normal character boundaries. **

**So, have fun reading this before they take it down. I would advise reading through My Immortal while you read this so you know which bits I'm talking about. I'm only picking some bits out of it to flame because doing the entire thing would take me ages. **

**Er, yeah, I've been playing the My Immortal drinking game so I'm a bit too happy right now. But I don't care and I'm sure I'll get flames and OH-MY-GOD-YOU'RE-SUCH-A-FUCKING-PREP but you know something, you guys can just fuck right off.**

Chapters 1-4

_**There are so many spelling mistakes in this story, it's not funny. And her grammar is worse than mine, way worse than mine. So I won't point them all out. This is a Harry Potter fanfic by the way. **_

Chapter 1  
_Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way _

Dark'ness? Why not Darkness? Does Dark'ness sound sexier and more gothic or something? As for Way, I love Gerard too but you don't see my character being called Sarah Way. My character is called Sarah Clark, a plain, simple, boring name. Maximus Shinigami is the worst name I have ever devised for a character and that was so that he could be the butt of several jokes.

_I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)._

Yes, I have characters who have strangely coloured hair (most of whom I haven't written in yet) but eyes like limpid tears? Oh dear me.

_I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. _

The author would clearly like to screw Gerard, therefore isn't it better that they aren't related? Or is incest "in" right now?

_I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. _

Don't you go to Hogwarts? Last time I checked that was in England, which doesn't have Hot Topic. Obviously, there's a website but do you seriously buy ALL YOUR GODDAMN CLOTHES online?

_For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. _

Sarah, one of the main protagonists of the Angels and Demons franchise (Angels and Demons, Discovery Channel, mwshk1992's Angels and Demons and emokid-bellaface's Labyrinth make up this franchise for future reference)...wait, that's too good English, I'll start again...Sarah Sam Sora Arashi Vengeance Black Death Doom Blood Leto put on her black bra, black pants, black and red corset, tight leather black miniskirt, black and red fishnet gloves, black skull earrings, black cross necklace, black gothic heels, and black pentagram ring. She applied her white foundation, black lipstick, black eyeliner, black eyeshadow, red contacts, white concealer, white blusher and black lipliner. Then, she went out to meet her friend Elizabeth Marie Lizzie Cutter Slit Vamp Knife Stab Devastation Wolfe. (Sorry, mwshk1992, I've turned you weird)

Chapter 2

_My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)_

It's always risky to base characters on people you know or yourself. You run the risk of turning them into Author's Darlings. There is a difference between this and a Mary-Sue. A Mary-Sue is a character who lacks development and is either perfect in every way or they are extremely flawed and suddenly have a complete mind, and possibly physical, makeover. An Author's Darling is a character who you can tell that after they've written every sentence, the author will think 'Aren't they wonderful?'.

"_Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me._

Draco Malfoy likes Good Charlotte?

"_Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR._

I am an "emo death freak". I know that MCR stands for My Chemical Romance. Lots of people don't know that. Shouldn't you at least mention that before you abbreviate?

Chapter 3

_AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte._

Of course all the flamers must be preps. Because **only **preps wouldn't understand just how _**super-goffikally-awesome **_it is to butcher the English language and write a story that revolves mostly around the main characters outfits.

_On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky._

Or you could just say that you changed outfits. Easy, ne?

_I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists_

Does anyone else find this offensive? Not to mention stereotypical?

_Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!)._

It would OK to describe a character like Max like this because he wears stuff like that. Yes, he's a _kewl boi. _But Draco Malfoy? Since when he is a goth?

"_Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice._

Er, isn't that the guy she's meant to like? _WHY DOES SHE SOUND DEPRESSED ABOUT MEETING HIM? _That's like Marie crying when she sees James for no reason.

_We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666)_

How original. Even Max's license plate is normal and he's the fucking SON of Lucifer.

_We both smoked cigarettes and drugs._

You are **SO **cool.

_Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!_

DUN DUN **DUH! **

3 full stops make an ellipses. Use any more and you are being annoying and immature.

Chapter 4

_AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!_

You said Ebony's name is Enoby...

Draco Malfoy being in love with her is no excuse for making him completely OOC. Being in love with her would not mean that his music taste suddenly changes.

_And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time._

TOO MANY ELLIPSES! And that's the least of the author's problems.

If Draco was on top of her, how where they making out _against _a tree?

I swear that my eleven year old cousin (who forces me to read every single one of her badly written trashy works) can write a better lemon than this. Does this even count as lemon? No. It counts as too much information. If you don't want to write a lemon (I'm included in this group of people), find some way that is obvious to anyone over the age of 14 that they're having sex. And if you are going to write a lemon, surely you can think up better things than 'thingie' and 'you-know-what.'

"_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"_

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore! 

Yes, Dumbledore swears now...

**So, I'll do Chapter 5-8 sometime soon, probably when I've played the drinking game again. **


	2. 5 to 8

**OK, chapters 5-8 coming. I've been playing the drinking game again to make this bearable so forgive any spelling mistakes etc. By the way, I have read the entire fanfic. COMPLIMENT MY POWERS OF ENDURANCE! I survived 44 chapters of pure underadulted BULLSHIT! Oh, I fixed the links to my FP stories thanks to StoicCrying, if anyone's interested, they're on my profile.**

Chapter 5

_AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!_

Even if Dumbledore had a headache he still wouldn't swear. Although maybe a hedache is something completely different and causes polite old men to become swearboxes.

I must be the biggest poser/prep out there because I'm writing an _entire _story to flame this "fanfic". May I mention that I like My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte and all the other "goffic" bands she mentions as well as shopping on argoth, theblackrose, gothiccatwalk, gothshop, grindstore AND loudclothing. Hell yeah, I AM A PREP!

_And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"_

OOC, anyone? This is like Max, the sex maniac, serial cheat and womanizer, suddenly decided that he doesn't want to have sex anymore.

"_I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels._

When I sleep I either wear a baggy t-shirt or pyjamas. Apparently, Ebony sleeps in heels and a dress.

_Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live'_

The real Draco Malfoy is an arrogant prat. If he could sing, we'd all know by now. But it seems he's (OOCly) been hiding his light under a bushel

Chapter 6

_The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple._

How much do you want to bet that her top is a corset? I'm surprised she didn't describe it. Give the girl a hand everyone, she's learning...slowly.

Just checking but...doesn't her hair already have purple in it? Any why is she spray-painting it? Does she want flakes in it? Or maybe she means spray in hair dye? Head scratch.

_In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top._

Hey, would you look at that. Hogwarts has a new menu. I guess Dumbledore changed it when he started swearing.

"_Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. _

What is with Americans and their ideas that English accents are sexy. Have you ever heard a Cockney accent? That's English too...

So Harry Potter had his scar aka his TRADEMARK taken away just like that? Did his bone structure change and reconstruct his face into Joel Madden's. And what's more, when did Joel Madden look like a "goff"?

_He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko._

Us, sickos? We're trying _not _to picture it here. Tara Gilesbie is girl. How would she know what an erection's like anyway?

"_Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled._

Clearly no thought for the verb used. Nobody giggles when they admit their psychotic love for the taste of blood.

_AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!_

You want _tin _good reviews. Well that could be hard seeing as reviews are actually made of binary computer numbers. I'm afraid you'll be waiting a very long time.

Evony may not be a Marie Sue but EBONY is a MARY SUE.

She's a BLOODY MARY SUE, get over it. Scrap her, scrap your story and start again.

Chapter 7

_Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)._

Wow, the immaturity of the author's note. She clearly put in the description of her jewellery just so that she could write the author's note.

_We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………_

There's nobody in his room? Couldn't someone walk in at anytime?

OOOOOOH! A dramatic "Then..." moment. Could it be leading up to another dismal sex scene.

_We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)_

Yes, dat is stupid. Why? Because "he put his boy's thingy in mine" doesn't make sense. It sounds like he put his "boy's thingy" also known as a penis into her "boy's thingy", thus making her a boy.

Also, don't write have sex as HAVE SEX like it's something daring that nobody else has ever done and nobody else will ever do. We aren't five years old anymore.

"_Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!_

Was it really necessary to mention the orgasm?

_I was so angry._

No shit.

"_You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed._

Shouldn't she have pushed him off her first or did she just leap out the bed and take him with her.

"_No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"_

Do you know anyone gay? Are you gay? Do you/person you know have AIDS? 99% of you will say no. Point proven.

_Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care_

No, I don't know what actually. For all I know, he might have a giant eyeball.

Chapter 8

_Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back._

Surely, some professor would have noticed a naked goth running around with his huge penis hanging out for the world to see and dragged him back to his common room before telling him to cover it with a sock or something.

_My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )_

1) Since when could students change houses.

2) There's modifying a character slightly to suit your fanfic without making them OOC, there's modifying a character for a crackfic and then there's this...

3) DOES EVERYONE WEAR RED CONTACTS?

_I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)_

The story suddenly changes to Draco's POV with no indication. This is probably an attempt to make Draco look like a emotional, nice guy. The sad thing is, it didn't work.

"_Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears._

Virility?

**Next up is Chapters 9-12 which feature Crookshanks as a spell, Voldemort, guns and old English, more wrist slitting fun, Ebony in a band, OOC Dumbledore (well, OOC everyone), steak, pedophiles, Harry Potter and the Pentagram Star, everyone falling in love with Ebony and that's just for starters...**


	3. 9 to 12

**OK, here's chapter's 9-12. Someone pointed it out that I'd forgotten to mention just how related to the story the title is. There's no relation at all. AT ALL. **

**I couldn't play the drinking game this time around as my mom was in the room. So I had to suffer through the fic without. As a result, this analysis is not as good as my other ones because of the acute mental pain I was in. After writing this, I lay on the floor and sang MCR whilst giggling to myself. That's how many IQ points I dropped reviewing these chapters. Hopefully, I can drink next analysis to up the quality. **

Chapter 9

_AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!_

The fact that she didn't read the book is blindingly obvious.

It is her fault if Dumbledore swears. She didn't research the character!

Stop making excuses for your lack of talent at writing.

Snape! Christian! Can anyone say BULLSHIT?

_I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco._

Mad and sad? She has such talent at rhyming. Maybe she can find me word that rhymes with wit and has four letters.

_Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was…… Voldemort! _

OMFG and other contractions signalling horror. He's _not _gothic!!!! And he has no nose. It was.........Voldemort. Full marks for observation.

"_No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away._

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

She threw Hermione's cat. Did Crookshanks mysteriously appear in the Forbidden Forest, then? And if she was under the Imperius curse, how could she cast a spell/throw a cat on/at him.

Voldemort screamed?

"_Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"_

_**THOU**_?! Voldemort turned Shakespeare...

_Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged._

Hang on...this is Potterverse where you can do **magic **and Voldemort gave her gun...

_Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face._

This is in the middle of a serious, tense scene. Out of place a bit?

_He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way._

Oh dear!

Chapter 10

_I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR._

Good Charlotte are upbeat and actually quite "preppy". They technically aren't gothic. Slipknot scream. My Chemical Romance are darker than Good Charlotte. A mix of all these would basically be an upbeat rhythm and screaming in a New Jersey accent.

_Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid_

Another useless shaping of a character to fit the "goffic" mold. As for Hagrid, when did he become a Hogwarts student. Oh no, wait, this isn't Hagrid, this is Hargrid. So it's fine.

_I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride._

Corpse Bride isn't depressing. Nice try.

So we have a real vampire example, Max (Discovery Channel/Angels and Demons). Brave vampire hunter arrives to kill him armed with a steak. Said hunter presses the steak to Max's heart. Max looks unamused. The hunter gets killed by the hungry vampire. The hunter has been sadly misinformed by Tara Gilesbie that Max can be killed with a piece of dead cow. What he actually needs is long sharp thing to stab Max with.

As for the c-r-o-s-s thing, don't get me started.

"_Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)_

Yes, it's out of character. Draco would say fucking or bitch. Try "Filthy Mudblood".

_We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache._

"_What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."_

Can anyone say contradiction? I thought a second ago we were being told vampires couldn't die from slitting their wrists.

Chapter 11

_AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!_

Of course this chapter is going to be stupid/srupid. It's the same person writing.

_Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… _

Steak: piece of meat

Stake: what you use to kill vampires

LEARN THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE!

_Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks._

It sounds _really _uncomfortable to wank on a broomstick. And oh dear god, I sense a "My beauty a curse!" rant coming up soon.

"_EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in._

Hasn't she already got dressed and described it to us in full detail. Why is she suddenly grabbing a towel?

"_Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb._

Harry Potter also known as Vampire suddenly ripped out his womb, proving that he was secretly a girl and pointed it at the two perverted teachers.

**Then there's about 14 lines of stuff that doesn't make sense, involving Hagrid, sorry, Hargrid. I think the point of it is to prove that he's a Satanist or something and then he yells...**

_  
"Because I LOVE HER!"_

Surprise. Surprise. Everyone falls in love with the Mary Sue.

Chapter 12

_AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!_

I'm just guessing, this is meant to be a deep profound moment. I have one thing to say. FAIL!

_his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites._

In the normal world, contact cover your iris inwards. In SuperGothPotterWorld, they cover your entire eye.

"_NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted._

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Volfemort has him bondage!"

OH NOES! Draco being held captive by a suddenly BDSM loving Voldemort. Who knew Voldemort had time to have sex. I thought he was a little busy _trying to take over the world._

_Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them._

You confiscate video cameras. Apparently, you constipate cideo camera's.

"_Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik._

But all through the story she's been wearing pink on her "corset stuff"

"_I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently._

Yes, that is spelt wrong. Masturbated is the right spelling. Here's a tip: If you're going to be a smartass, make sure the joke will **not **be on you in the end.

_He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! ._

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

Again, we return to the ever-reliable Angels and Demons gang. Max, vampire, demon, son of Lucifer and a guy who had taken an A Level in Badass faced his female, angel counterpart, Sarah. He smirked and waves of dark energy rolled off him. Sarah narrowed eyes and prepared to defend against whatever attack he was building.

'Long ago, just like the hearse you died to get in again.' He spoke. Sarah looked confused.

'Did you just say the lyrics to Helena?'

"_I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"_

Does that spell sound Italian to you?

_And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep. _

Yes, we've established, the flame was black.

"_U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"_

Yes, we get it. Maybe you get the fact that this is called Flaming Immortal because I am flaming My Immortal. Witty, ne?

"_Fangs (geddit) you do too."_

Yes, I have an IQ of above 12. I GET IT!

_He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff._

Discrimation against Hufflepuffs at all?

"_Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way._

Is everyone always constantly depressed?

_We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other._

OK, Angels and Demons example again. Marie regarded James for a long time and he did the same. She tried to figure out how he was feeling, whether he was upset. Then, they just started fucking like bunnies.

"_STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else._

Ebony is clearly an exhibitionist.

_Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites._

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Volfemort has him bondage!"

Um...haven't we already read this? Exactly these words? Correct me if I'm wrong. OH MY GOD, IT'S GROUNDHOG STORY!

**OK, next is chapters 13-16. Oh my god, this story, it makes me want to cry. Features the long awaited "My beauty is a curse!" rant, more people falling love with Ebony, a sex-pack, Draco suddenly gets an American accent, a living guitar, Gerard Way pulling off his face, Tom Riddle working in a store, oh and Tara learns Japanese. SHIT! It's 3 in the morning, my brain hurts, I've got square eyes and I need to sleep. So long and good night.**


	4. 13 to 16

**Thanks for all the favourites and stuff, guys. You've been amazing. Especially the people who hated my guts at first for doing this. Well, I've got to reward you all for waiting so long. Man, it's been a long time so thanks for waiting. I'll try not to disappoint. If this fanfic hits 50 reviews, I'll draw you a picture. I'm on 28 right now.**

Chapter 13

_AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!_

Yes, I would agree Gerard Way is a "fokin sexbom" (although I think the term "incredibly hot" is probably just as good) but I don't have discussions with my friends about it in my stories.

"_Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there._

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. 

Dumbledore Dumblydore? Is this the invention of a new character. Or could this just be poor punctuation and spelling that adds up to an entire new name for Albus Dumbledore.

_He laughed in an evil voice._

Of course...

_Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)_

There are fans of yaoi and then, there are YAOI FANGIRLS. Which caterogory do you think Tara falls into? Three guesses.

_We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"  
It was……………………………….. Voldemort!_

I really, really, really don't get the need for the ellipses. Do you know what I'm doing right now? I'm......................................drinking!

Chapter 14

_AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!_

The hospital should have also prescribed a medication for bad writing technique. Or at least start mass producing medication for bleeding eyes, swaying on the spot, cirrhosis of the liver (from the drinking game) and sudden loss of IQ points for the poor people with gofficitis from reading this fanfic.

_WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. _

Right...

Because we haven't been scared enough by her "sex scenes", gofficness and bad grammar. Anyone who's made it up to this point won't be broken by a scary plotline.

_We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail._

Does everyone cry tears of blood? Is this some sort of vampire crying thing? Is anyone else worried at all? And the best bit, Wormtail's name change. I'm not sure if it's to make him sound more badass or what but no, just no.

"_Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)_

They were shooting at him with the gun, then he fell down with a lovey dovey look in his eyes and asked her out. There are three things very wrong with this picture. 1) Why did they pull out the gun when their wands were already out? 2) They were shooting at Wormtail, right? Why didn't he try and get out of the way? 3) Is their aims so sucky that they couldn't hit him and he had time to ask Ebony to get into bed with him? Oh yes, and the fourth thing...DID ANOTHER PERSON JUST FALL IN LOVE WITH HER? ANOTHER ONE! WHO NEXT? VOLDEMORT!

"_Huh?" I asked.  
"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain._

She stabbed him in the heart. When she's wielding a wand _and _a gun. How many hands does this girl have? As for the whole Wormtail-in-love thing, it makes me want to throw up.

"_Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. _

This is the most unrealistic death scene ever. Including one I've read which involves someone dying painlessly from being stabbed in the groin. People who've just been stabbed in the heart won't scream "No" specifically. They'll just cry out in pain. They won't run. They'll drop to their knees if you're lucky. Then, they'll die. And considering she just killed him in cold blood, why is she crying for him?

"_Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us._

So, let's get this straight. Voldemort is an Old English speaking cross dresser. He also apparently ejaculates at inappropriate moments.

"_What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything._

**Here is my sex rant. Get ready for it. Anyone who is 12 should not be reading the following. Then again, you shouldn't have been reading this anyway. It's rated M. For anyone who cannot bear to hear me discuss sex, scroll down to the bold 'sex rant over' text. I dare you to read it though. Commence sex rant:**

There's nothing quite like reunion sex, is there? Is there no foreplay in this world? None whatsoever. Doesn't she have to get prepared to take in his really huge thingy or does she just have an incredibly wide you-know-what. This proves Tara Gilesbie knows **nothing **about sex. Because according to her, you can shove a (I'm assuming, big to her means as endowed as a horse) 13 inch penis up an unprepared vagina and all the girl will feel is insane amounts of pleasure. Lucky Mary-Sue feels no pain at all. And hasn't Tara ever heard of _hands or tongues. _Not everything is about the penis. So, I've got a little experiment for anyone who can locate Tara Gilesbie. _You will need:__ Mints, champagne, an exceedingly sad, sorry, I mean, goffic male. __Method:__ Present Tara with mints, champagne and goffic dude. Tell her she has to find a way of pleasuring the guy without having sex with him but using the apparatus provided. Enjoy the confused look on her face._

I do believe I have just placed kinky thoughts in everyone's mind now.

As for the sex pack thing: you start with a sex, then add more pairs depending on the muscle definition of the guy. It's simple maths, but Tara is special so she's added a new category.

**Sex rant over!**

_"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."_

MARY-SUE ALERT! Only a Mary-Sue would want to be ugly. There is no girl on the planet who actually want to be ugly. There are pretty girls who find side-effects of being pretty annoying but nobody actually wishes ugliness on themselves.

"_Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. _

This is so abusive. Not every pretty girl in the world is "goffic".

"_Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away._

A lot of people have called my good friend pretty (mwshk1992 – she **is** pretty) but she doesn't think she is. Can Tara Gilesbie even see into the minds of normal humans? Clearly not.

Chapter 15

_AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!_

OK. Seriously, this girl is going slit her wrists every time someone flames her. She's going to die. Because even more people are going to flame her. Then she'll bleed to death. And the world will be rid of one more Suethor.

_Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class._

I'm relieved. This isn't the Harry Potter world after all. Because a school for magic wouldn't teach Biology. So, mystery solved, guys. You can relax. This fanfic is clearly set in a parallel goffic universe. So, something makes sense...very drunken sense.

_I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!_

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

_Then……………. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) ._

Sure, he didn't get detention for singing in class. And seriously, he sound like five guys at the same time, who all have different accents and singing styles? That must sound quite interesting. And what about poor Mike Shinoda, Linkin Park's other singer?

"_OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether._

So, she stuck her middle fingers up and Draco's middle fingers too, because they were intertwined. OK...for the sake of argument, let's pretend that's possible and move on.

If you hate Hilary Duff, don't kiss like her.

Have you _ever_ seen an attractive couple and clapped. Is that natural? Didn't think so. There is only one explanation for this. Tara Gilesbie lives in a movie. A low-budget goth movie written and directed by chipmunks. Yeah, that's it.

Chapter 16

_AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!_

A word of advice, honey. We don't care about your argument with Raven. At all. We want continue laughing at your crap story. This isn't Big Brother. There's a time and place for arguments and that's not at 2.05am on .

As for this britney5655, may her head be struck from her shoulders for teaching Tara Japanese. As if the world wasn't painful enough.

_We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!_

Sorry, I need a second just to laugh at this.

.

..

...

....

.....

OK. I'm ready.

1. If my boyfriend got an erection for Gerard Way, I would have an issue with it. Not because I have anything against bi guys. I love bi guys, straight guys, gay guys, guys, whatever, you get my gist. But, my immediate thought if my boyfriend suddenly got hot for Gerard would probably be "Down, boy" or at least, "Is Gerard prettier than me?" It would not be, "Yeah, see, I'm not the only one who thinks he's sexy. Now let's go and ask him if he wants it threeway."

In other news, it seems Draco Malfoy is very easy to turn on.

2. Yeah, because it's just that easy to run in a moshpit. Has this girl ever actually experienced one before. I've been in one. It's not pretty. I ended up being crowdsurfed out because a 50kg, 16 year old girl is bound to get crushed by a bunch of drunk guys twice as heavy as you. IT WAS AWESOME. I'm drunk, can you tell? Spellcheck is great, by the way.

3. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! This sounds like some really shit band that probably plays music of the screamo crunk variety. I do not like screamo crunk. I do not like it.

_B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)_

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

Must. Tear. Out. Brain. FANGIRL JAPANESE. Yes, I am guilty of occasionally speaking Japanese. But it's usually just _kuso shinezo _(it means "die shitting", in case you wanted to know) and other foul language.

Poor Raven. This was fairly uncalled for. At any rate, randomly killing off a character because you're annoyed with the person they're based off is immature and stupid. If I killed off Marie everytime I was mad at mwshk1992, I would have killed her at least 18 times to date.

And lastly, did they just say kawai to Willow dying and then being skullfucked by Lupin. That's disgusting. Really, really sick.

_B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."_

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

This girl needs to get a life. Somebody, please, PLEASE cut up her Hot Topic Loyalty Card and help her think out of the box a little.

_We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."_

I feel for Gerard, I really do. I want to put him in the Witness Protection Program. I mean, this girl might start stalking him soon.

Sorry, I had no idea that shops discriminated based on urban tribes now. But then, I have clearly spent too long living in the real world and not in Lala Land.

"_Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"_

Oh, good Lord. Seriously. Seriously. This girl makes me feel unbelievably mature.

"_Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."_

So, Voldemort has separated into two different people. One of them is Shakespeare's evil brother bent on taking over the world with "da Death Dealers" and the other one works in a discriminating gothic store? Thank God for drunken logic.

Oh, and would you look at that. Someone ELSE just fell for Enoby.

"_Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"_

Dramatic music, drumroll please. Don't miss the next exciting instalment.

**Thanks for reading. Please review. I love you, guys. I really, really do. **


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